“Trust is granted, not earned”

Often times I found out about things that I don’t like about people around me. Not necessarily regarding their attitude, though, but mostly about what they did behind my back. You see, I have a serious case of trust issues due to my past and I don’t appreciate not being told about something that they know I would want to know because when I found out about it BY MYSELF, my trust for them has gotten much worse and I don’t want to feel like that about people I’m close to.

How are we supposed to continue our relationship with that person — be it friendship or romantic relationship — when our trust for them is not as how it used to? Always having this uncomfortable feeling in your heart that the person is keeping something from you. I don’t want to live feeling like this about the people I love. If I’m going to continue our friendship, my trust has to be earned, again, if that can ever be earned completely to say the least ’cause I am sure as hell not granting them my trust without any doubt in my mind.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, I just feel the need to pour my feelings into words. Sigh.